At long last, the Dilbert animated television show debuts on UPN at 8 PM on Monday, January 25th. Imagine your embarrassment Tuesday morning if you are the only person on Earth who misses the first episode; don't let it happen to you.

If your local cable provider doesn't carry UPN, you might have to organize some sort of protest. The most effective form of protest is what I call Virtual Self-Immolation. This is similar to self-immolation with the important distinction that you are setting someone else on fire instead of yourself.

It might seem difficult to find volunteers to set themselves on fire on your behalf, but you can do it if you follow these two simple steps:

1. Develop a line of perfume made entirely of lighter fluid.

2. Hire a temp to stand on the sidewalk in front of your local cable TV provider and spray people who walk past.

Most of the people who are assaulted with your new line of perfume will simply curse at your temp and hurry away to clean themselves off. But some of those pedestrians will be cigarette smokers, resulting in impressive human fireballs. Instruct your temp to chant, "WE WANT UPN" at the exact time your human fireball is screaming in pain. This will give the impression that it's all part of the same demonstration. I don't know if this will cause your cable provider to carry UPN, but there's no harm in trying.

And if it's not too much trouble, please forward this newsletter to anyone who might want to watch the Dilbert TV show.

TV Show Factoids------------------------------------