Highlights:

  ------------------------------------------------

  - Scott leaves his day job

  - Dilbert shirts popping up in stores

  - Instructions on selecting Induhvidual servants

  - Dilbert calendars for 1996

  - Stuffed Dilbert and Dogbert dolls

  ------------------------------------------------

That's enough people to create a formidable militia group. But based on my e-mail, I can tell that you're a curious bunch and not the kind of people I'd want to let loose with flamethrowers.

I can imagine it now, the phrase most often heard before the total destruction of earth: "Hey, I wonder if THAT burns??!!" Selecting Your Own Induhvidual Servant

As you know, after Dogbert conquers the planet, the members of the DNRC will become the new ruling class. All remaining Induhviduals will become our domestic servants. Many of you have asked if you can identify your domestic help now. I believe this would anger the Induhviduals that you identify as your future servants. So yes, feel free.

Some Induhviduals might be claimed by more than one DNRC ruling class member. In that case, the DNRC member with the the most DNRC status points will prevail. (See previous newsletters for point calculations or visit the Dilbert web site.)

In the event of a tie, the Induhvidual in question will be cut in half. I can't be any fairer than that.

The number of Induhviduals per DNRC member will depend on how many are left at the time of Dogbert's world conquest. You'll all get a prorata share. (Prorata is a Latin term meaning that if you like rats you get extra.) Should You Spay or Neuter Your Induhviduals?

We'll need an ongoing supply of domestic help, so we should encourage reproduction among the Induhviduals, short of actually explaining how it's done. We can always find creative uses for extra Induhviduals, e.g., speed bumps, cat food, insulation -- that sort of thing.

If we get to the point where population control of Induhviduals is necessary, I recommend against surgical sterilization. It's too expensive. They can do what I do to get out of the mood -- watch the Ricki Lake show. DNRC Secret Sign

At this point, the only way you can identify another member of the DNRC is by our unmistakable sex appeal and superior intellect. But that still leaves a small risk of a false positive identification based on pure chance. Here's how:

Let's say you put a thousand Induhviduals in a room with a thousand computers. By pure chance, given enough time, they would eventually type nothing whatsoever because they would be using the mouse as a foot pedal.

Now let's suppose that you don't feed the Induhviduals or let them out of the room. Eventually they'll start dying. One of them might keel over on the keyboard, twitch wildly before expiring and accidentally type the Gettysburg Address. That bit of faux wisdom, combined with a darkened room, might give you the misleading impression that the Induhvidual had intelligence and good looks.

I think you'll agree that this is a problem.

The only way to prevent this sort of thing from happening -- and it happens more often than you'd think -- is to have a DNRC secret sign.

I call upon the collective genius of the DNRC members to suggest an appropriate sign. The person who comes up with the best suggestion will be elevated to DNRC Sainthood. Send those suggestions to: DNRCsign@unitedmedia.com Risk Assessment

There are many compelling reasons for joining the DNRC. This new recruit sums it up in his letter:

Scott:

I want to be part of Dogbert's New Ruling Class. At first, I thought "Hey, we've got a dog... Why couldn't she be Supreme Ruler of the Earth?" Then I noticed that she mostly digs holes in the back yard and licks her own butt. No sense in betting on the wrong horse. So, sign me up.

B. B.

"Minister of sitting on the toilet
until my legs have fallen asleep"

1. Little Billy from Family Circus
2. Satan
3. Snuggles the fabric softener bear
4. Putterman family (new)

I removed Stacy, Goddess of Potatoes, from the list. The threat from her evil cult of potato worshippers is diminishing, thanks to the tireless efforts of the DNRC. In the last newsletter I asked you to consume as many potatoes as possible to limit Stacy's power. The odds were stacked against us until many of you independently realized that Vodka was a potato product.
Stacy never had a chance.

But this victory wasn't without sacrifice, as this report from a DNRC soldier shows:

Subj: Update from the Potato Front Date: Mon, Jul 10, 1995 11:37 AM EST

Mr. Adams:

While vacationing recently with my folks we ventured into a restaurant and (with a mouthful of french fry carcasses in my mouth) I shouted "Death to the Potato People and their evil Goddess Stacy!" My father, with more enthusiasm than insight, proceeded to eat a mouthful of onion rings and shout "Death to the Onion People and their pagan Goddess Edith!"

Needless to say, there is a restaurant in Two Rivers, Wisconsin that we won't be going back to, and my mother (who happens to be named Edith) isn't speaking to either of us.

Warren G.

Subj: Not the red button

Scott, you will find this hard to believe but it is a true story.

When they relocated our offices about 5 years ago, they moved our Technical Group down underneath the steelmaking furnace into the old computer room. On the wall, near the exit from the new 'office' was a big red button, with the accompanying sign

"DO NOT PUSH THIS BUTTON".

Well, a few months later it became clear that every time the button was pushed, the entire computer system for the furnace went down, causing numerous trouble calls to the computer support team and forcing the operators to operate in manual mode (horrors!) for a few hours.

Pretty bright, huh! Fred is quite an Induhvidual.

Keep up the great work,

Craig

Postscript: Fred has since joined the DNRC. He still hits the button every day, but now it's just for fun. Best Quality Suggestion

This vigilant DNRC member discovered a travesty in the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel and lept into action. His message to the newspaper is reprinted below as a lesson in DNRC civic responsibility.

Subj: Dilbert in Milwaukee! To: Milwaukee Journal Sentinel

Milwaukee Journal Sentinel,

As a pioneering member of the 40,000+ member strong Dogbert's New Ruling Class (DNRC), I would formally like to request a slight reorganization of the Comics page in the Sunday editions of the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel.

You have consistently, possibly unknowingly, printed "The Family Circus" cartoon immediately opposite (that is, on the back of) "Dilbert". This leaves me in the unenviable position of being the lone dork walking into work on Monday mornings with a clipping of, apparently, "The Family Circus". This is an embarrassment not only to me, but to my organization, since "Little Billy from Family Circus" is number one on the "DNRC Enemies List".

Could you possibly swap the position of "The Family Circus" with that of another comic? Maybe with that of "Mary Worth"? Really, most any other comic will do. (Although, we're not, at the moment, fond of "Ziggy" or any other potato-like characters.)

Your cooperation in this matter would be appreciated and would possibly benefit you in the forth-coming age of Dogbert's world domination. If you do this I'll promise to consider you real Team Players.

Thank you for your consideration,

Dave P. Dogbert Answers My Mail

In this section Dogbert answers the mail that I'm too polite to handle myself.

---

Dear Scott:

What's up with Ratbert? Why is the dinosaur only as big as Dilbert? Why don't your characters ever go to the bathroom?

Jason

---

Dear Jason:

There's nothing that Mister Adams likes more than answering questions like these. It reminds him of his batty grandmother who tortured him throughout his childhood with incessant questions such as "Why do you think they made this jar green? Huh? Huh?"

Mister Adams survived those difficult times by closing his eyes and imagining he was someplace nicer, such as a bamboo cage in a Viet Cong prison.

Mister Adams will respond after he has had some time to savor your questions. Your response will arrive by regular mail in a heavy package with clever references to "wood" in the return address.

Dogbert

---

Dear Scott:

I heard you lost your job at Pacific Bell. We have some openings at my company for administrative assistants. If you can type, send your resume to me and I'll see if I can pull some strings. No promises though.

Allen

---

Dear Allen:

Mister Adams thanks you for your kind offer. Most people either don't realize he is penniless now or they don't care as much as you do. Maybe they are confused by the fact that other cartoonists receive money for their work. Sadly, Mister Adams signed a 99 year syndication deal that pays him only pencil shavings and packing peanuts. In retrospect, it doesn't seem like a good deal.

But don't worry about Mister Adams. He's a survivor. He's already planning his next career as a welfare cheat.

Dogbert

---

I volunteered to my boss that I would resign if at any time he felt my costs exceeded my benefits. (The benefits included the positive PR. I get interviewed often.)

This Spring I got a new boss. I reiterated my offer to resign if asked. A few weeks later he asked. The reason given was budget constraints. I kept my word.

It was a local management decision, not a "Pacific Bell" decision from the top. Dilbert reprints are published in the company newsletter.

Was there any Dilbert-related motivation behind my boss asking me to leave? Nothing of that nature was mentioned to me.

My boss's last request of me was "Please don't draw a character with a beard in the strip." (He has a beard.)

Look for a new bearded character later this year.

How will this affect the strip? For the past two years I've relied almost exclusively on theme suggestions from readers. My source of inspiration stays the same. And now I don't have to be Mister Nice Guy.

This is gonna be fun.

I'm not looking for a new "cubicle job." Sending Ideas for Dilbert

Most of my ideas for the strip come from e-mail. (Thanks to all of you who took the time.)

Remember, the best suggestions are theme ideas, not dialog or "gags." I'll do the humor part. I'm most inspired by true examples of idiotic management and clueless business practices. The best suggestions tend to be the ones that can be expressed in a paragraph or less. I like anything that can finish the sentence "Have you ever notice that some idiot always....?"

Some parts of your messages may be quoted by me for articles, books or interviews. They will be paraphrased if I think it's necessary to conceal the identity of the author or to condense a story. I never disclose names.

Send suggestions to me, not a reply to the newsletter address. I'm at scottadams@aol.com. And your best bet is to wait at least two weeks from receiving the newsletter, because I get about a thousand messages a day in that period.

Thanks!

***************** General Dilbert Facts *******************

The cartoon strip Dilbert began in 1989. It now appears in over 550 papers in 15 countries.

The author (that would be me) receives over 200 e-mail messages per day. I read all of my e-mail personally. If you get a canned response, or no response at all, it just means my fingers are tired or I need to get some sleep. I love you, really. Nobody else reads my mail. I don't have an assistant. If you ask multiple questions I often answer the one I like.

Despite what you've heard, I don't work at your company. I worked at Crocker Bank in San Francisco from 1979 to 1986, then Pacific Bell from 1986 to June 1995, mostly in various engineering groups. But I'm not an engineer by education; I did the MBA thing.

I am not your high school friend of the same name. I did not author the Scott Adams Adventure Games for computers. I did not go to your school. The person you know is not my relative. I am not your ex-husband. We were not childhood friends.

Dilbert is not gaining weight.

There is no particular reason that neither Dilbert nor Dogbert have obvious mouths.

The most frequently asked question is "Why does Dilbert's tie curl up like that?" The answer is either A) It's a metaphor for his inability to control his environment or B) He's just glad to see you.

The boss character has no name. I like it that way. Dilbert Store on the Web

Coming in October, the Dilbert Zone on the World Wide Web will feature exclusive DNRC apparel. Later we'll have other stuff such as stuffed Dilbert and Dogbert "action figures." Printing, Copying, Reprinting, Licensing of Dilbert

The copyright and trademark for Dilbert are owned by United Media in New York. You can call them at 800-221-4816 (International callers use +1-212-293-8500). There would be a fee that depends on how you want to use the strip or the characters. Dilbert Books

"Build a Better Life by Stealing Office Supplies" (new material about working at a big company), Andrews and McMeel. (ISBN 0-8362-1757-8)

"Always Postpone Meetings with Time-Wasting Morons" (a compilation of the first year), Andrews and McMeel. (ISBN 0-8362-1758-6)

"Clues for the Clueless" from Andrews and McMeel. It's new material on the subject of manners using the Dilbert cast. (ISBN 0-8362-1737-3)

"Shave the Whales" (a compilation of the second year of Dilbert), Andrews and McMeel. (ISBN 0-8362-1740-3)

"Bring Me the Head of Willy the Mailboy" (a compilation covering 10/5/90 through 5/18/91.), Andrews and McMeel. (ISBN 0-8362-1779-9)

"It's Obvious You Won't Survive By Your Wits Alone" (a compilation covering 5/19/91 to 12/13/92), Andrews and McMeel. (ISBN 0-8362-0415-8) Due in stores this Fall.

Check with any bookstore. If that fails, call the publisher directly at 800-826-4216 and order by mail. (International callers use +1-816-932-6700) Dilbert Calendars for 1996

By popular demand, look for Dilbert calendars this Fall for 1996:

• Page A Day - "Ask Me How My Day Went"
  Andrews & McMeel (ISBN 0-8362-7283-8)
• Desk Calendar - "It's A Trap!"
  Andrews & McMeel (ISBN 0-8362-7299-4)
• Wall Calendar - "The Dilbert Zone"
  Day Dream Publishing (ISBN 1-57081-934-3)

"Talk About Change!":

A 15 minute training video featuring an expert on change, interspersed with animated Dilbert clips. The video comes with a Leader's Guide, Workbooks and 10 overhead transparencies.

"Dilbert Gets Reengineered":

A 5 minute look at what people really think about change.

Cohen/Gebler Associates has created a set of short animated Dilbert business videos for meetings, workshops and presentations. The videos are based closely on themes from the strip. They're used primarily as ice breakers.

Six titles are currently available:

• Dilbert on Quality
• Dilbert on Managing Change
• Dilbert Does Sales
• Dilbert Does Meetings
• Just the Breaks #1 (Mingling Groups)
• Just the Breaks #2 (110%).

Cohen/Gebler Associates also develop custom programs featuring Dilbert for internal company communications, e.g.:

• Employee training
• Internal communications
• Employee meetings/events

*** Dilber and Dogbert stuffed dolls ***

Dilbert: Item # 44737
Dogbert: Item # 44738

Design: "Technology -- No Place for Wimps"

T-Shirt: Item # 42080 Sweat Shirt: Item # 42079 Mug: Item # 44892

/comics/dilbert

If you're a company interested in advertising on the Dilbert web pages, send e-mail to webmaster@unitedmedia.com (put "Web ad" in the subject line) or call 800-221-4816 (international callers dial +1-212-293-8500).

(50 DNRC status points if you get somebody to put a link to the Dilbert web page from another web site) About the Dilbert List

It costs you nothing to be on the Dilbert Newsletter list, except for the cost of your own e-mail.

I'm using a "List Server" system to automate this process. So this newsletter will come to you from a different e-mail address than my personal one. Don't "reply" to the newsletter address please.

The frequency of the Dilbert Newsletter is approximately "whenever I feel like it" which should be about three or four times a year. How to Subscribe Automatically

You can subscribe to the Dilbert List automatically by sending an e-mail with the address, subject and message shown:

Address:  listproc@internex.net

Subject:  Dilbert

Message:  subscribe Dilbert_List Joe Blow

Your e-mail address will be picked up automatically, so you need not specify it. The only thing you customize is your first and last name. Unsubscribing

If you want to take your name off the list automatically, send an e-mail to listproc@internex.net but include only these words in the body of the message:

unsubscribe Dilbert_List

Address:  listproc@internex.net

Subject:  Dilbert

Message:  get dilbert_list newsletter_1.0

But the best way is to visit the Dilbert web site if you have a web browser./comics/dilbert/

I can't send back issues by e-mail, for reasons you wouldn't believe if I told you. Problems Signing Up for the Newsletter

If you tried unsuccessfully to subscribe to the newsletter just send e-mail to me and I'll sign you up manually. My personal address is still scottadams@aol.com

If you try to change your password (which you don't need to do, since only I can post to the list anyway) and you get a strange message saying you're not on the list, ignore it. It's a "feature." Reprinting This Newsletter

Feel free to copy, post and distribute this newsletter within the bounds of good netiquette.